“When will my life be normal again?” I asked with tears streaming down my cheeks as I held my fussy month-old baby in my arms.

The women sitting at the table with me seemed so much wiser and more put together. I was sleep deprived, leaking milk and wearing three-day old makeup. I wanted reassurance that life with kids would get easier and any secrets they had to get me there faster.

Instead, they came around me offering hugs, meal deliveries, listening ears and prayers.

Fast forward almost 10 years and I found myself in a similar scenario. But instead of a disheveled new mother I was emerging from a year of pandemic life spent almost entirely at home with my young family. I walked into the room of about 30 women and didn’t know a single one. I was nervous and uncomfortable, maybe even scared.

At both points in my life I was deeply lonely and longing for connection with others. I wanted to develop friendships that would be with me through all life’s highs and lows, the proverbial ‘ride or die’ crew.

Why did friendships come so easily in youth and seem so hard as a mother and adult?

I’ve tried to respond to this question over and over again and every time I come up with a different answer. Perhaps I’m asking the wrong question.

Instead of asking why making friends as an adult is so hard, I have started asking how can I trust God more with my friendships?

Surrender

Like so many other challenges in my life, the first thing the Lord required of me was to surrender my own hopes and desires to Him. He asked me to give all my worries about who to talk to and what to say to Him, because he cares about me and all the details of my life (1 Peter 5:7).

He gently reminded me that He is always with me and, therefore, I’m never alone. He is the perfect friend and in Him is everything I need. He was teaching me to be content in Him. Being content in Christ as my friend relieved the pressure of making perfect friendships and being the perfect friend.

God also wants me to have community with others. Community and friendship are where growth and support happens (Proverbs 27:17, Galatians 6:2). Living in community with other has always been God’s design for His people, and a desire for deep friendships is a gift from Him (Acts 2:42-47). God is teaching me to draw close to Him, my best friend, as I trust Him to build faithful community around me.

Pray

I began asking God to direct me to women with whom He wanted me to pursue friendships. He reminded me of ways I had developed lasting friendships in the past. He even showed me friendships I already had that simply needed to be cultivated.

I discovered that I’m surrounded by women God has intentionally placed in my neighborhood, PTA group, Mom group, etc. All I need to do is open my heart and time to grow deeper friendships with them.

Say Yes!

Now God is teaching me to say “yes.” As I learn more about myself, I’ve realized “no” has been my go-to response in most situations.  It was just easier. I’d make all kinds of excuses to why I couldn’t accept an invitation, the event was too far, my husband’s schedule was too busy, the kids had a cold, etc. My first inclination to say “no” actually built the walls of my loneliness around me, trapping me inside. Those walls started crumbling the moment I stopped making excuses and started saying “yes.”  “Yes” to girls night out; “yes” to backyard play dates; “yes” to joining the mom group of complete strangers.

I’m not suggesting saying yes to everything, but now I do try to say “yes” to the things in my life that give me the opportunity to grow closers to others. I’m learning when I trust God by showing up as my authentic self (the good, the bad and the ugly) in front of others, He has honored that by cultivating deeper, more meaningful friendships.

I’m still working through building my community. Many days I still feel very lonely. But then Jesus draws me close to remind me He is here.

The two stories I shared at the beginning of this post were integral points on my friendship journey. Both happened at a moms group hosted through an organization called MOPS International. MOPS’ mission is to encourage and equip Moms to realize their potential as mothers, women and leaders, in relationship with Jesus, and in partnerships with the local church.

Today, Aug. 2, 2022 is “National Invite Day” for MOPS and I would like to personally  invite you. If you are here in Orlando and have grade-school kids, you can visit the group I attend. Our first meeting is Friday, September 16 at 9:30 am at 436 Oakdale Street Windermere, FL 34786. Message me or comment below if you’d like to come and I’ll meet you there!

If you are not local, MOPS has groups all over the world for ever stage of motherhood. Visit www.mops.org to find a group near you.

From when I had newborns to when I emerged from my pandemic bubble, my MOPS group breathed life into my weary soul. It is where I have found some of the deepest friendships of my adult life.

I pray it does the same for you.